HOW TO BEAT A BULLY
· STOP AND THINK!
· USE AUTHORITY
· TELL THE BULLY HOW YOU FEEL AND WHY YOU WANT THEM TO STOP (“I” MESSAGES)
· WORK TOGETHER AS A GROUP
· AGREE WITH THEM
· WALK OR RUN AWAY
· RAISE YOUR VOICE TO GET ADULT ATTENTION
· AVOID THEM AND THE PLACES THEY HANG OUT
· REASON WITH THEM / TALK IT OUT
· REFUSE TO FIGHT
· USE HUMOR (BE CAREFUL OF SARCASM)
· INCLUDE THEM IN YOUR ACTIVITIES
· TRY KINDNESS, IT IS HARD NOT TO LIKE SOMEONE WHO LIKES YOU!
Empowering Our Students Against Bullying
What Parents Can Do to Help End Bullying
Understand what bullying is and what it is not.
- Allen ISD Board Policy and the Allen ISD Student handbook state: Bullying is engaging in written or verbal expression, expression through electronic means, or physical conduct that occurs on school property, at a school-sponsored or school-related activity, or in a vehicle operated by the district and that: (1) has the effect or will have the effect of physically harming a student, damaging a student’s property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of harm to the student’s person or of damage to the student’s property; or (2) is sufficiently severe, persistent, or pervasive enough that the action or threat creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for a student. [See FFI (Local).]
- For further clarification: Conduct described above is considered bullying if that conduct exploits an imbalance of power between the student perpetrator and the student victim through written or verbal expression or physical conduct and interferes with a student’s education or substantially disrupts the operation of a school. Bullying occurs when a student, while at school, intentionally assaults, batters, threatens, harasses, stalks, menaces, intimidates, extorts, humiliates, or taunts another student. Bullying also occurs when a student or a group of students organize a campaign of shunning against another student or maliciously spread rumors about another student.
Talk with and listen to your kids every day.
- Know who your children play with or hang around with in the neighborhood. Connect names and faces of those children.
- Have conversation with your children about their social lives by asking open ended questions about what they do with their friends, what happens in the neighborhood during their social time as well as what happens on the way to and from school.
- Explain to your child what bullying is and is not.
- It’s important for children to know that they should tell their parents if they are bullied because parents want to make sure their child is safe.
Establish household rules about bullying
- Children need to hear from their parents explicitly that bullying or watching bullying and doing nothing is not acceptable – this includes bullying, being bullied, or standing by and watching other kids being bullied. This includes sibling bullying.
- Discuss possible consequences for bullying behavior.
Be a good example of kindness and leadership.
- Your kids learn a lot about relationships and power from watching how you interact with others. You have a great opportunity when you get angry at another driver on the road, a waiter, a sales clerk or even your child to model effective communication skills by not blowing up or name calling.
- Any time a child sees someone speak to another person in a mean or abusive way, they are being taught that bullying is ok.
Be able to recognize potential signs when children may be being bullied.
- Most children don’t tell anyone when they are being bullied – especially adults.
- Signs may be: complaints of not feeling well, frequent loss of belongings, avoiding school, wanting to go to school late or wanting to leave early, not enjoying or wanting to attend social activities, frequent injuries or damage to clothes or property, appearance of being alone most of the time, excessive or insufficient amount of sleep.
- Additional symptoms may be: depression, anxiety, safety concerns, aggression, grades dropping, low self-esteem, deficits in peer relations and substance use.
Create healthy social skills and anti-bullying behaviors.
- Coach your children what not to do – hitting, pushing, teasing, name calling and being mean to others.
- Help your child to understand how these kinds of actions might feel to the child on the receiving end (“How would it feel if that happened to you?”).
- Teach your children what to do – being kind, having empathy, playing fair, taking turns, etc.
- Teach your children what to do if other kids are mean – get an adult, tell the child who is teasing or bullying to stop, walk away and ignore the bully, and/or help others who are being bullied.
Know some of the common signs of children who bully.
- Children who bully tend to have: average or above average self-esteem, impulsive personalities, lack of empathy, difficulty conforming to rules, positive attitudes toward violence.
- Some bullies are quite popular, enjoying high status and esteem from their peers, and even from teachers. These are called “hidden bullies” – popular children who exhibit aggression (persistent arguing, fighting, getting in trouble.)
If you think your child may be showing bully-like behaviors:
- Make sure your child knows that bullying is harmful to all kids involved.
- Help your child find other ways to exert his or her personal power, status, and leadership at school and share that you will work with the school if necessary to support their changes.
- Work together with school staff to send clear messages to your child that his or her bullying must stop.
- Explain to your child that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Stop any acts of aggression you see (including sibling aggression). Establish appropriate consequences for his or her actions. Praise and reinforce your children for following rules.
- Spend more time with your child and carefully supervise and monitor his or her activities for a while. Know who their friends are and how and where they spend free time. Peers can be influential, especially for teens.
Anti-Bullying Strategies for Target
Act confident, not weak or scared
Be “Cool” instead of “cold” or “hot” to bully
Ignore the bully and leave
K & 1st
Word Power- Make eye contact with the bully and use an “I” statement (I don’t like it when you call me names and I want you to stop.)
Find a Friend- Call out to nearby students, say you’re being bullied and ask them to come stand with you (Tyler and Melissa, I’m getting hassled. Help me out. Come stand with me.)
Walk/Run away and tell an adult- Choose a safe direction, run and tell an adult as soon as you can.
2nd and 3rd
School Rule- Use an assertive, sure posture and tone of voice while saying, “Our school has a rule against bullying, and __________is breaking the rule.”
4th and 5th
Skipping CD- Use an assertive posture and tone of voice while saying the Skipping CD response, “I won’t let anyone bully me.”
Surprise agreement- Use an assertive posture and tone of voice to agree with whatever the student who bullies says. Regardless of what the student says, take him or her by surprise by agreeing. (Yeah, I know my ears are big…I should probably be able to fly with these things!)
Leave ‘em Laughing- Use humor to deflect (turn away) and defuse the bullying behavior. Be careful not to use sarcasm or insults. (Bully – “Give me your lunch money!” Target-“Do you take credit cards?”
Prevent him/her from feeling left out. Include the bully in your activities later. Ask him/her to join you and your friends.
Don’t just stand and watch. Don’t assume someone else will help.
Go get adult help
Don’t join in, don’t fight with the bully, don’t laugh at the bullying.
In a calm voice, tell the bully to stop.
Appeal to other bystanders to help
Stand with target, get others as well
“Come on, let’s go play somewhere else.”
Rescue and invite: take target out of situation and invite the bully into your activity
Balance- offer the opposite view, reason with bully, point out consequences
Support- remove target from situation, take target’s arm and turn away to go, say a teacher wants you, the game is waiting on you
Distract- Call attention to another location/group of people/game instead
Direct- use relationship with bully to stop him/her , re: “We’ve been friends a long time, and I don’t want you to get in trouble by doing this/you seem really angry…let’s go over here and talk instead…”